Do you do the Cha Cha?

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

-Upanishads of the Vedas

These words have been quoted by Margaret Thatcher and Mohandas Gandhi because they are powerful.  For me, the first three words are the most powerful of the bunch.

WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS

People think they are their thoughts.  People think what they think is true when really it may be true for you alone and not necessarily a perspective shared by anyone else.  We think what we think based on our past conditioning and no two people in the world think the same way.

A good exercise to learn how you think is to listen to your inner self-talk.  When you listen to your inner chatter, are those thoughts serving you?  Do you say empowering things to yourself that will ensure you have a great day or are you hard on yourself?

 
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Greetings from Athens! As I stare out at the Acropolis from my hotel room on Vasllisis Sofia Drive I remain as ever amazed at how people think. I’m attempting to fill a group workshop and I’m getting more requests to work with individuals 1 on 1 and no takers for the group workshop. I believe it’s because people are frightened to be judged by others in the group. Sometimes, being a confidence coach has a negative connotation attached to it even though I know confidence is in high demand.

As I contemplate other’s thinking patterns, I think it’s apropos to be in Greece, the ancient home of some of the world’s great thinkers such as Socrates for example. He was a classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy who died 399 BCE. He was sentenced to death by drinking hemlock.

“An unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates

Plato was another philosopher and founder of the Academy in Athens. It was the first institution of higher learning in the Western world. He passed in 348/347 BCE.

“Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.” – Plato

And last but not least,

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It’s been raining hard. I have mud all up my calves, my hiking shoes are filthy, my feet ache, my big toe nail on my left foot has turned purple and I have blood blisters at it’s base, I’ve developed blisters on my right foot and hand, I walked 25 km today. I am on the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in Spain and I’m about to take a glorious hot bath – after I shower down my legs of course. Who wants a muddy bath?!

For those of you who do not know, the Camino de Santiago or Way of St. James, is the pilgrimage to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia in NW Spain, where legend has it that the remains of the apostle, Saint James the Great, are buried.

It is difficult to define where exactly the Camino starts as pilgrims used to start their journey from home, but over the years, different ‘ways’ have emerged. The French Way is the most popular and it usually starts in the French Pyrenees.   There is also the Northern Way, the Original Way, the Portuguese Way and the Finisterre Way. We met someone who began his pilgrimage from Geneva.

One of my compadres (friends) tells me that when it comes to discussing physical challenges, that one can discuss the pain or the pride. Today is the third time he attracted bed bugs, which is very common on the Camino. Despite this and the other hardships he has endured walking over 700 km, he says he will only discuss the pride of his adventure. I am obviously not of the same mind.

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As a confidence & clarity coach, I write my blog to help others with their mindset. This month is a little different. I am going to focus on the physical and share my detox story with you. I am writing this month’s somewhat lengthy blog from Bodrum, Turkey where I travelled to embark on a 9-day detox program at The LifeCo.

“Nobody can deny that when we feel fabulous physically, it only enhances our self-confidence.”

I have been on detox programs in the past, but I have never felt the need so great as now. It’s been a tumultuous year both physically and emotionally and it’s time to get off the roller coaster ride. I feel the need to be grounded and heal my body and rest my weary mind. I am an over-thinking empath, the combination of which can be exhausting. Physically, I have been anguishing with an underactive thyroid for some time now. I need a good cleanse inside and out.

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They say gratitude is the best attitude. If you’re not feeling happy or positive, sometimes it can be difficult to feel grateful yet gratitude is the way out of a funk. It’s helpful to understand the neuroscience behind it.

According to UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Centre, regularly expressing gratitude literally changes the molecular structure of the brain, keeps the grey matter functioning and makes us healthier and happier. When you feel happiness, the central nervous system is affected. You are more peaceful, less reactive, and less resistant. And gratitude is the most effective practice for stimulating feelings of happiness.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a global spiritual leader, Vietnamese Buddhist monk, poet and peace activist who has a Mindfulness Practice Centre in France called Plum Village. Some of his wisdom:

“It is possible to live happily in the here and now. So many conditions of happiness are available – more than enough for you to be happy right now. You don’t have to run into the future to get more.”

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I see many people unhappy because they are out of touch with their own values. We live confidently when we live our values because they are our inner guidance system.

Knowing the difference between your beliefs and values can be a little confusing. People use both to guide their actions & behaviours and to form their attitudes towards things, but they are essentially different.

Beliefs are convictions that we generally hold to be true. usually without actual proof or evidence – they are a matter of faith.

We tend to be more aware of our beliefs then we are of our values. Values on the other hand are our moral code, our standards and from my point of view, so much more important than beliefs because our values are our beacon on the road of life. Whereas beliefs will change.

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I took a long walk this morning on a popular track here on my home island of Jersey. It was a beautiful sunny day at just the right temperature for walking so I wasn’t the only one who decided to do this lovely walk. There were a number of people, old and young, and lots and lots of dogs.

There was an eclectic mix of trees and flowers along the way. One man commented to me on the bamboo – he was surprised that it hadn’t become predominant as bamboo has a tendency to takeover. In addition to the beauty of nature, curiously, I noticed that many people could not look me in the eye as they passed by. I said hello to virtually everyone I passed except those who looked too frightened to entertain such an exchange with their eyes swiftly darting to the ground as I approached.

It’s nothing new that some lack the confidence to look another in the eye, yet I find the extent of this action as somewhat of a cultural thing. And the culture we grow up in has a lot to do with how we think and behave.

Consider the tradition in India of Namaskar or Namaste.

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A very common limiting belief is being concerned about what other people think of us.   And, it’s completely understandable if one considers the work of Mr. Michael Solomon. His PHD work at the Business School of New York University suggested that when we meet someone else we make 11 decisions about a person in 7 seconds.

Here is what we guesstimate:

• How rich or poor we are
• How intelligent we are
• How honest and/or credible we are
• How much we can be trusted
• Level of sophistication
• Gender, sexual orientation, desirability and availability
• Level of success
• Political background
• Value orientation
• Ethnic origin
• Social desirability

As soon as we meet a person, we rush to judgement based on what we see. And that is why we so often get it wrong. I have found this to be true because I know I’ve initially met people in the past that I didn’t think I liked and later we became fast friends.

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I have noticed that most people who I attract as clients are going through a life transition. Life is ever evolving and full of change yet some changes are much more impactful – graduation, moving country, divorce, changing jobs/redundancy, health issues, retirement, death of a loved one, etc. These times our stress level tends to rise and doubt can creep into our minds.

When we are at a major crossroads, we typically want to ensure we choose the right path. When we are in doubt, we find ourselves uncertain as to the ‘best’ road to take. We may even find ourselves uncertain as to what we want. And what we want will change over time. We may doubt our choices. Having been so caught up in a way of being we often don’t question our thoughts or choices but when the world that we knew is no longer there, these can be times of high anxiety as we grapple with the new.

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Are you a perfectionist? If so, chances are you’re making your life harder than it has to be. Perfectionism is not the same as striving to be your best. It’s not healthy because we push ourselves beyond sensible limits resulting in anxiety.

According to Wikipedia: “Perfectionism, in psychology, is a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting high performance standards, accompanied by critical self- evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.”

People with self-critical perfectionist tendencies are intimated by their own high standards and may feel they can’t reach their own goals. And that’s when negative self-talk creeps in and we hear the voice in our head saying things like, “I’m not good enough” – which is a very common thought, unfortunately.

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